Fond Memories..

I've been cleaning out my closet and the stuff I have had stored for a while now and I came across things that reminded me of my past, the easier days.

The memories started from sixth grade and continued until the end of my sophmore year of school. A star with stickers from sixth grade english, a made up land called Orlizoid from seventh grade english, new made up "friendship" signs from eighth grade english, and all kinds of notes starting from eighth grade all the way till the end of my sophmore year that are all filled with inside jokes about limbs, coconuts, white towels, so-and-so grabs, ribit, binx, so-and-so's is so dumb, cracker, napkin sniffer...the list can go on for ever. Looking back on these things I realized my junior high and high school years have been the best, most eventful, hardest, and most challenging years of my life and I wont ever get them back.

I just realized that I never laugh like I did my freshman year. Never have I laughed the most in my life as I did then. When I was in junior high and early high school I actually somewhat cared about what people said about me, now that is something that I couldn't care less about because I know now that only God can define me, not humans. I am thrilled that in ways I have grown up, but in others I'm super bummed because I don't have that carefree feeling anymore. I feel as if my personality has changed tremendously the past four years. I miss being the youngest grade in high school and being picked on because of it, yet being protected because I was theirs. Yet I'm glad I'm a senior, because it's my turn to pick on my freshman, yet protect them from anyone else.

I miss my junior high years. There was a lot of drama, yes, but isn't that what also helped you start to realize what a real friend or enemy is like? When you truly start to figure out the value of friendship? I had a best friend in the sixth grade, I will not say her name, that was inseparatable from me. Her and I could finish each other's sentences, look at each other and know what we were thinking, laugh at the same stupid thing, and we even like the same actor. I've NEVER had a friend since then that could finish my sentences like we did with each other. Though we were best friends, there were faults. She was hanging out with some people that were older than her and they ended up telling her something along the lines of if you want to hang with us then you can't be friends with Shyla anymore. I remember the day she told me. We were in history class when she told me. I cried to say the least and it was quite noticable that something was wrong between us because we never talked, but that day, the day she said she couldn't be my friend, was the day I started to realize the significance in a friend.

Junior high was also when all my problems started. When I started going to church there were four girls that automatically caught my interest and I looked up to them alot. I first remember seeing them at the swimming pool when I was elementary, they were in junior high then, but I finally got to meet them my 7th grade year in church. This group seemed inseperatable. I latched on to them quite fast and became quite good friends with this group by the time I was in 8th grade. The day things started was on a bus going to marching contest my eighth grade year, I was the band manager mind you, and I was asked a simple question by two people from this group. When I was asked this my mind automatically went into questioning mode, and I realized what was happening. This group of five people, all of whom I admired, were getting into a "fight" so to speak, and I some how or another felt caught in the middle with each side asking questions about the other side. I was simply an eighth grader confused and utterly going into downward spiral as they kept going. Because of everything going on in my life, and to add on that I had found myself in the middle of my friend's little "fight", I hit the depressed stage late my 8th grade year and progressed through my junior year of high school. The first time I cut was at Cici's Pizza in Witchta Falls, my freshman year, when we were waiting on the Ed's and everyone else to get through eating. I remember Molly F. looking at my with curious eyes and asking if I was ok. Though to this day I don't know if she realized what I was doing or not. And my last cut was when my little brother died about a year and a half ago. I have come out of my depressive state, but alot of things made it worse while I was in it. It took all my will power and God's help to get me out. Perserverence ran through my blood.

As weird as it sounds I had some of the best times when I was depressed and my depression will always be something precious to me, something I hold dear to. I learned much more from that state than any other time. Plus I can relate to many, many other people out there. I hold every memory in my head. Some I miss dearly and some I don't. I am sad that I'm getting older, but then age just brings on new beginnings and new experences. My junior high and high school years will allways be imprinted into my heart. The best times of my life.

:)

No regrets.